Hair Cut

Two drastic changes in my life — one of which I’m about to substantially pen down.

First one being this is my pilot post on Medium — I’ve switched to something that eases the burden of beautifying a blog. This whole late 20s thing hardly gives me time to take a dump.

Second is what I’ll be taking you through — as uninteresting as it may sound: the repercussions of a haircut.

Yes, a year and a half’s worth of patience and effort has been sheared to near nothing within a few minutes by a humble pair of scissors. The barber refused to execute this task which he referred to as unholy. “Guys crawl through painstaking effort to grow their locks southbound” was his reason.

Unfortunately, the sheer pleasure and satisfaction of running a pair of scissors through a mass of hair overpowered him; he was obliged to perform his duty.

Anywho, the deed is done albeit for a while; I will still be getting used to certain changes in my life which I will be highlighting right here.

A series of consequences that I had faced post the snipping:

1. I had most definitely shed a good 2 kgs — whoever said that hair is weightless, lied dude — he bloody well lied.
2. The first instruction I gave the barber when he asked me what kind of style I wanted was — I want it to be such that I don’t have to comb my hair and can simply wake up and leave. I reaped the rewards of this.
3. No more hair falling on the face impairing vision — I now know what a puppy feels like when it first opens its eyes to get a clearer picture of the shitty world it’s about to enter.
4. I no longer wake up to my cat chewing on my hair first thing in the morning. My kitten’s poop was literally hanging by a thread for the longest time.
5. The bathroom drain no longer looks like the scene from the grudge or the ring. Whatever lives down there sure isn’t suffering like fish caught up in plastic six pack holders dumped in the ocean.
6. Saved on electricity because I have no need for the hairdryer anymore. I use it to scare my cat now — the fright on her face is satisfying.
7. No more hairballs rolling around like tumbleweed in the house.
8. I no longer have to retort to brash women asking me “Have you ever been mistaken for a girl?” with “No. Have you?”
9. People do not expect me to have the ability to convert water to wine anymore.
10. Airport security no longer bothers running that metal detector an extra mile. That is, until they see the tattoo.
11. “Bro, do you have pot on you?” is only something that’s eavesdropped now and not directed at me.
12. Hair ties are now used as paper pelting weapons.
13. Showers take 20 minutes lesser which gives me more time to mastur-*cough*- sing in the shower.

The only worry now is to deal with the matrimony image I have brought upon myself and my folks are elated. Betrothal is a very bad word, guys.