The Back-Word Syndrome

Every time I pen down a god damn word, the next one goes fleeting out the window and I pick up another idea to write on. Then the words for that idea fail to hit me and I go back to the first.

This vicious cycle ails me each time I open Medium and decide that now’s the moment that I will hit publish. But the wrong words appear at the wrong time, sometimes none don’t and you just can’t erase that alphabet soup in your head. This is precisely what I call the Back-Word Syndrome.

Why Back-Word you ask? Because each and every word you type sees a generous amount of taps from the backspace key because a follow up fails — not just on the Mac which you’re probably sporting next to your Starbucks Mocha but also in your indecisive/out of control head.

The Back-Word Syndrome is fascinating though. The practicality of it is quite far-stretching. Why does it never work during the times you actually need it?

1. Someone mentions a name and you remember that ex girlfriend/boyfriend/both probably banging some Ramaswamy right now.
2. When someone tells you that you should Google the words “Blue Waffle” or “Panamanian Petting Zoo” and without a hint of deserving protest you go “Maybe I should”.
3. Perhaps when there’s just too much to ponder upon and you consciously can’t prioritize thoughts. Especially when taking a dump.
4. When Shape Of You gets stuck in your head and you’re as crippled as a sloth at the derby.
5. You just watched Dawn Of Justice and there’s nothing that can remove that scar from your head. It’s etched and is now a part of you like some Harry Potter level shit.

The Back-Word Syndrome has taken way too many lives in this world and there’s no research being poured into stopping this. Yet, there’s a dude out there pouring millions of dollars just send a car into outer space to take a selfie and post it as the most expensive commercial out there for an electric vehicle.

If we had a device that helps us control these shortcomings of our own, hold those imperative words in place or prevent verbal diarrhoea from hitting us, imagine what would happen if we could weaponise the same.

1. We could have stopped all those cringe-worthy Trump speeches.
2. We could have stopped all those lyrics about butts - The 6 trillion of them across 65 billion of those absolutely similar songs that we didn’t need.
3. We could censor potty mouths before they were let out in front of kids. The last thing we need is five year olds walking around like it’s South Park.
4. There would be no more rape jokes.
5. Y’all could use it against my shitty puns that really want to make you throw a brick on my face.

Damn it! I know how to end this piece. I could just… Ah fuck it.

Down-Word Syndrome. Spread the word.
See what I did there?